http://kuow.org/post/cinderella-ate-my-daughter-peggy-orenstein
I agree that Orenstein's book is excellently written, but from the start I really couldn't help but going on the defensive for this "girlie-girl culture" I felt was being attacked. I guess it really struck a nerve for me because I truly embraced this culture, but also had balanced activities and was not absorbed in it. And I feel I've grown into a happy, confident, ambitious young woman...oh and I'm studying mechanical engineering...so I feel the pink and princess never harmed me!
I truly admire Orenstein's honesty throughout, in the first paragraph she readily admits that she was "terrified at the thought of having a daughter". But how so, can she supposedly be an expert on this matter? Have written numerous articles and appeared on TV advising mothers, and yet tremble in her boots when it's her turn? This just didn't sit with me.
I read this book with mixed emotions, throughout switching from admiration to condemnation of the author, from full agreement to raging disagreement that left me shouting out loud or stomping round the house to explain to my mum what I'd just read!
When Orenstein writes about being committed to raising her daughter without a sense of limits, this resonates so strongly with me, yes, of course, that's how I want every young girl to feel. As if they can conquer the world, be the smartest in their class, be authoritative in the work place and not seen as 'bossy', have a profession and a family (if she wants!), be a CEO or an engineer if her heart so desires and not have to break down barriers that never should have existed for her in the first place. Yet when Orenstein writes that she "wanted her to be able to pick and choose the pieces of her identity freely" - then bans the disney culture Daisy so desperately desires it just plucks at that nerve again for me! Ok, Orenstein explains that Daisy's Disney Princess fad was brought on by peer pressure and marketing manipulations, but it still feels so cruel to me that this culture is so strongly forbidden from a little girl who seeks it so strongly - (quote Daisy begging and being denied). Orenstein often talks about it just being 'easier' for parents to give in to the evil and make their daughters happy for 10 minutes...but I still refute that it can be that evil! I am a firm believer that all you need is balance! Don't let princess control their lives, but don't shut it out! There are great, neutral children's books and films that can be found . Ok, they don't always have great female protagonists, which I admit is a problem, but Orenstein worked hard to find stories that do and if these are mixed in with the Princess mania, as well as others containing groups and male leads then a healthier balance can be found....ok yes easier said than do...and it's so easy for me to preach it when I'm not raising a daughter (this is exactly the first thing that made me doubt Orenstein)...but my mother did this for me, and I had a happy and fulfilled childhood without being denied my beautiful princess dresses. Feeling like a princess can give girls a real confidence and help them feel special, but I'm not so naive to deny that it can be dangerous in terms of body image, as can fashion magazines, social media and the like. However that's still not to say that every girl who twirls in a nice gown will be driven to anorexia, self-esteem issues or an unhealthy sex life. Surely no-one can blame ALL of that on Disney alone! In today's society you can hardly ignore the beautiful supermodels and actresses who are given such status, the magazines and cosmetics that are ever marketed and the constant obsession with how we all look. Females definitely have it worse...but rather than toning it down or us, it seems that in this modern era men are just starting to be scrutinized more. There are increasing numbers of male skin care products being advertised on TV, guyliner is a thing and male actors and models are adorned. So this pressure will extend to boys and adolescents in how they dress, how they gel their hair, what brands they wear. The sheer fact is that the world is being ever more commercialized in our consumer society. Gender stereotypes no doubt play into this, but my real point is, that as it can't be avoided, it's best to allow the Princess dresses at a young age, but also teach lessons about confidence in who you are, strength in character, kindness in not judging others on their appearance - because girls can be awful at that! And even look at real life modern day princesses. I'm from England, where we have a monarchy. Princess Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge is, in my opinion, a very good role model, as was Princess Diana before her. Diana didn't take the easy route, she chose to be an advocate for AIDS at a time when much less was known about the disease and it was considered very dangerous to be around. She didn't choose glamorous charity work - and the Royal Family weren't happy with her - but she was a strong and independent princess who worked hard for what she believed in. She was known as the 'People's Princess' even after her divorce stripped her of her title. She was a pioneer, a leader, a strong and kind woman and she was adored for it.
On page 5, Orenstein touches on the topic that, despite girls' successes rising in all manners of life, from the classroom to the sports field, a large emphasis is still placed on their appearance. This resonates strongly with the Baldwin Scholars research into 'effortless perfection' and a thought-provoking discussion session hosted by UNC women's center staff I attended with a group of college women. This phrase describes the pressure college women particularly feel to be the best at everything all the time, ever striving for the height of perfection, while looking immaculate and not even breaking a sweat...not to mention remaining ever humble and not celebrating their impressive achievements because that's simply expected, so don't be a 'bragger'. This unrealistic and frankly unachievable cycle women have been caught up in may push us to new heights, but at what costs? We can never reach perfection as it ever evolves, as we set our ambitions higher and fight to keep up with them...of course still not breaking a sweat...because we're effortlessly perfect right? We're modern age women, showing we can do it all and have it all, no-one wants to fall behind. Except studies also show that Duke women graduate with lower confidence than they started with....hmmm, whatever could be the reason? Where do the "get to" and "have to" lines blur and make it "easier and harder" to be a woman in today's 'equal' and opportunistic society.
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